Microaggressions can slowly chip away at someone’s confidence. Unlike outright aggression, microaggressions are those brief, everyday comments or behaviours that communicate negative messages about who you are or where you belong.
What makes microaggressions particularly challenging in workplace situations is that they’re often subtle and the aggressor seems well-intentioned. It can leave you wondering: “Did that just happen?” or “Am I being too sensitive?” Meanwhile, these small incidents accumulate and can significantly impact your ability to perform at your best.
Here’s what I’ve learned from helping people navigate these situations: every microaggression is an invitation to step into your power. Instead of just enduring them or getting angry, you can use a strategic approach that transforms these moments into more balanced power dynamics.
What Are Microaggressions?
Microaggressions often stem from unconscious rank or privilege, for example, when someone unintentionally uses their social position or advantages without awareness of the impact. Understanding this can help you take these interactions less personally while still addressing them strategically.
Microaggressions come in three primary forms:
- Direct slights: These are the obvious ones. Name-calling, deliberately excluding someone, or making discriminatory comments. While hurtful, these are easier to call out because they’re clear.
- Subtle insults: These communicate rudeness in sneaky ways. Think comments like “Where are you really from?” to someone who looks different. The person saying it may think they’re being friendly, but the message received is “You don’t quite belong here.”
- Dismissive behaviours: These invalidate your experience or reality. Examples include interrupting you repeatedly, questioning your expertise in your field, or dismissing concerns. These are often the most damaging because they make you question your perceptions.
Micro-aggressions are not to be confused with full-blown aggressions (hostile behaviour or workplace violence), which need immediate corrective measures and disciplinary actions. However, if left unmanaged, microaggressions can develop into full-blown aggression and bullying.
You Need a Plan
If you don’t address microaggressions, they multiply. The person doing it doesn’t get feedback, so they continue to do it. Others see the behaviour go unchallenged and think it’s acceptable. Before you know it, what started as one person’s thoughtless comment becomes a part of the team culture.
But reacting emotionally in the moment rarely works. Getting defensive or angry often causes the other person to shut down or become defensive themselves. That’s why you need a strategic approach instead of just venting frustration.
Response Strategy
Your strategy begins with three moves you can make in any microaggression situation: leveraging similarities, differences, and connections to address the problem effectively. This specific sequence is crucial because it prevents immediate defensiveness while gradually building your credibility.
Step 1: Establish Similarity by Finding the “Power with” Dynamic
Start by identifying where you have power in relation to this person. There are many sources of power: positional, relational, educational, experiential, historical, etc. For example, they may have positional power, but you might have expertise that allows you to stand firm in the face of their power moves. Make this explicit, not to take their power away but to add yours to the mix.
Starting with similarity is essential because it prevents the other person from feeling immediately threatened while establishing your credibility and right to be heard. When someone feels like you’re standing in your power, they’re more likely to listen to what comes next. It also keeps you focused on the balance of power rather than getting pulled into personal defensiveness. For example, “I know we both want this project to succeed and deliver results for our clients…”
Step 2: Assert Your Unique Value by Connecting Different Perspectives to Shared Goals
Don’t hide your differences; instead, highlight how they contribute to what you both want to achieve. Remember that power dynamics are fluid, and your different background or approach may give you advantages in this particular context that complement their strengths.
The key is linking your distinct background or viewpoint directly to the success you both want. You’re not asking for accommodation, you’re offering a strategic advantage. For example: “My experience working directly with diverse client groups gives me insights into potential implementation challenges that could help us avoid costly revisions later…”
Step 3: Establish Connection by Building Empowered Network Systems
Identify allies and be specific about how you can support each other. Don’t just hope people will speak up; create empowered systems that make it happen.
Establish regular check-ins with trusted colleagues where you share observations about team dynamics and commit to respectfully interrupting problematic patterns when you witness them.
Using your network isn’t just about getting help in one situation; it’s about building relationships where everyone speaks up and steps in to create or maintain healthy dynamics. When you unite people through empowered structures of listening, feedback, and speaking out, you create lasting change that goes beyond any single microaggression. By building strong networks, you, in turn, can be the change-maker for someone else experiencing microaggressions.
Those with higher rank or privilege have a particular responsibility to use their position to interrupt microaggressions when they witness them, as their voices often carry more immediate weight in these situations.
When to Walk Away
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the microaggressions continue or even escalate. If you’ve tried this approach multiple times with the same person over a period of 2-3 months and seen no change, it’s appropriate to step back. You can’t force someone to change, and you’d be better off spending your energy on relationships where there’s mutual respect and a willingness to improve.
By focusing your energy on productive and respectful relationships, you can create an island of peace where the person engaging in microaggressions may naturally choose to exit the system, as attention fuels these behaviours. Walking away or turning away removes the fuel.
Building Long-term Change
The goal is to ensure that differences become sources of innovation rather than barriers to inclusion.
Start practicing this approach in low-stakes situations first. Build your confidence by addressing microaggressions before they escalate into high-pressure situations. Remember, every interaction is an opportunity to connect with your power. When you engage around similarities, differences, and connections, you’re shaping a pattern of workplace conduct that recognizes the fluid nature of power and leverages everyone’s unique strengths.
If you’re dealing with ongoing microaggressions at work and need specific guidance on how to navigate your particular situation, book a discovery call or email me. These situations are complex, and sometimes you need a personalized strategy.
